I talk about my Dad because it’s pretty rare to hear about positive relationships with one’s father.
When I talk about my mother, it’s usually a quote where she’s condemning something I’m doing and it’s hilarious.
This post is no difference.
My mother insists I “get dressed” every time I leave the house. And I use to. Heels, full face, every time I’d leave the house. Then, I started working at Hollister and I was introduced to rainbows. Then, I got old and trips to CVS didn’t constitute changing out of my pajamas and hoody (although, I would NEVER go out in curlers and a robe).
So once she invited me to her kickboxing class. I love kickboxing, but the kicker- the class was at 6am. We all know mornings don’t begin until 9, so that idea was a little beyond my comprehension. She stayed on me, talking about how much I’d “like the class.” Ok. So finally I got my life together and got up to go. I wore some really comfy pink sweats and a sweatshirt. She gives me a once over and said, “that’s what you’re wearing?” “I could get back in my bed.” “Ok, you’re going to regret it.” “I already regret seeing this hour. Can we go?”
We get there, annnnnnddd the heavens L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y opened up. This deelishus 6’2 chocolate specimen was cleeeearly hand sculpted by God. As I’m picking my jaw off the floor, mom nudges me, “should of gotten dressed.”
I detest the girls that put on a full face to go to an 8am class, or the gym. I could barely pull myself together that morning, getting “dressed” would not have been a reality in any circumstance.
I did the next best thing. I enlisted Andy’s private body sculpting services. It’s the only time I’ve had a trainer. I don’t even think I lost any weight, I basically paid to look at him. Lol, Sometimes he would catch me conjuring up naughty thoughts and he’d say in his HAWT Dutch accent, “mhm, one more rep.”
Tonight, My mother and I were discussing how she doesn’t know my type. She never fails to bring up the trainer. Mmmm mmm mmm. What a HPOA. She has mad jokes letting me play myself like that.